Friday, 26 March 2010

Tally Ho detectives uncover true identity of band Cults

General consensus says new popular band Cults are the work of an already established artist. General consensus speaks that it could not be possible for a band to pop out of nowhere and emerge on Pitchfork. General consensus deems that the songs are too polished, too well-produced to be the work of nobodies.

Who is general consensus? I don't know. But he is right.

Tally Ho the blog has uncovered the secret through methods of detection and sleuthing skills that columbo would be pleased with. Cults is the work of none-other than pitchfork jilted indie almost-legend Travis Morrison. The same Travis Morrison that brough you Dismemberment Plan, and the uniformly awful solo album 'Travistan'.

His website claims that he is 'RETIRED! No shows, no records, no band. Just relaxing in Brooklyn. Befriend me on facebook. I'm so nice!'. But Tally Ho! Has it on good information that this is all a ruse.

Enjoy Travis Morrison in this video clip featuring some saucy babes:


NB: Our source for this also believes giants used to roam Earth, that Kate Moss was the alien in the Daily Mirror UFO hoax thing and thinks Daniel Johnston was on the x-factor.


  1. I think that you're absolutely right. The first time that I heard "Most Wanted" by Cults, the vocal melody sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Once you mentioned that Cults might be Travis Morrison in disguise, I remembered where I had heard that melody before - compare "Most Wanted" with TM's "My Two Front Teeth" - the similarity is too strong to be an accident.

  2. If this really is Travis Morrison, can we read this as an elaborate joke – an attempt to embarrass Pitchfork? He cooked up some tracks that he knew PF would nuts for, and it worked – “Go Outside” got a 9 rating and was designated as “Best New Music”. Then, he cloaked the whole thing in anonymity (to further whet the appetite of PF and the blogosphere), eventually releasing a few bits of (presumably bogus) information to stoke the fire of interest – “Brian Oblivion”, anyone?

    By naming the band “Cults” and including Jim Jones samples on “Go Outside”, is he implying the Pitchfork has a cult-like influence over indie rock? The infamous 0.0 rating that PF gave Travistan had a terrible effect on TM’s career – many indie record stores wouldn’t stock the album, for example, because knew that PF had given it a 0.0 (and presumably no one would want to buy it). But there’s no way a 0.0 was justified – Travistan isn’t unlistenable, just flawed (remove those awful "coin" songs and it's not bad).

    And that’s the best part of the joke – by recycling a element from a song on Travistan, it’s a wink to TM fans. He took the melody from “My Two Front Teeth” and dressed up in different clothes - and what was once deemed unlistenable by PF is now lauded. But, of course, no one at PF would have made the connection, because within the PF cult, Travistan is on the list of forbidden albums, and no one would be caught dead listening to it.

  3. It's on wikipedia, it must be true


  4. your actually all dead wrong-
    but keep it up your almost on to something
    -- actually no your not - cults are "nobodies" and came out of "nowhere" and should be an inspiration to bands without a boring lengthy history